maybe i should take this to maury

at what point should one take responsibility for a child or acknowledge that he/she is his/her? I know this sounds like an odd question, but I ask because I got into an interesting debate with a friend on the topic of reproductive cell donation and how one would feel about the idea that little versions of that person are out there.

in lieu of the recession, I'd been joking around about donating my eggs if things ever got that bad. The other day, I was talking about it with my sister and she had told me some more information on it, like how I'm at my prime age for egg donation or how people look at SAT and IQ scores and shit. I brought all this up with aforementioned friend and at some point in the conversation, he asked if I'd feel weird that little me's were out there. Still in jest, I joked that it wouldn't bother me, but that I'd warn my future kids (if I decide to have any) not to marry any Filipinos because he/she could be a potential half-sibling, but then he said he'd feel weird about it, and naturally, the question of "why?" arose.

I was confused why he'd feel weird about it while he seemed surprised that I wouldn't. To be honest, he almost made it seem like I was being heartless toward whatever child might arise from donating my eggs. He was like, "so, if this child looked you up, found you, and went up to you with questions, you'd tell it, 'what? I just needed money". I know he was joking, but it was still a little harsh. It was interesting because he compared this situation to adopted children. Let me remind you, this child would arise from egg/sperm donation. My argument was, on top of the obvious that I am not/would not be this child's parent and that his/her real parents are the ones who raised him/her regardless of biological relationship, that this situation would be nothing like that of an adopted child.

if I gave up a child for adoption, I conceived this child. It came to life inside me, it grew inside me, I nurtured and took care of it in my body for 9 months, and I birthed it. After going through all of that, it's quite understandable why that child would want to know "why?". However, with organ donation, the egg would be fertilized in a lab, outside of my body. Beyond that point, the point in which some would argue that life begins, it will never have touched my body, grown in my body, fed through my body, or birthed by my body. As an unfertilized egg, there exist nothing but a reproductive cell that would get expelled anyway during the whole ovulation process, and thus, life has not been created, life does not exist. So how can I take responsibility for whatever child could be conceived by an egg I would donate? Aside from the genetic factor, I have nothing tying me to this child. And yes, some would say that that biological aspect defines parenthood, but I believe there's so much more to it than simple genetics. Perhaps I'm being heartless toward this child, but I personally feel like there would be absolutely no maternal connection on my part when I had nothing to do with the point that his/her life was created onward.

anyway, my friend never cared to explain his end of the argument. Perhaps I argued my point well enough to get him thinking? Or perhaps he was lazy? Or perhaps he just agreed to disagree. Whatever he decided, it got me to think about the situation more. I mean, the idea of a child of egg/sperm donation wanting to find the donator never seemed like an issue to me, but then I'm not being understanding. Maybe some people do feel that way? For the most part, I still hold my same beliefs, but I'm always open to other's opinions and hearing their thoughts, so I was just wondering how other people feel about the topic? Where do you stand?