this way philippe!

I know this is much belated, but I'm feeling I need a mini-break from all this productivity today to quickly post my New Years' resolutions. I can't quite remember everything I had in mind, but here's a Cliffs Notes version:

For 2010, I resolve to...
...drink more water
...be more social, if not in person, via this remarkable thing kids like to call the "interweb"
...budget better
...weight-lift
...increase flexibility
...knit more
...bake more
...review my German
...focus less on the things I wish I had
...accept that I'm lactose-intolerant (wah wah :[)
...spend more time with my parents

That should keep me occupied for the new year, yes?

harumph harumph harumph!

I'm feeling very bitter right now, but I'm trying not to. The reason behind this bitterness is because I am sooo not looking forward to tomorrow... Another co-worker at Starbucks has fallen ill and so they've called me in on emergency. What sucks even more is that it's for an opening shift. You gotta be fucking kidding me! That's the second open I've had to cover this week. So my Friday will pan out as such:

500a-1015a: Starbucks
1030a-130p: school
130p-330p: do a hearing screening on my dad for lab
400p-500p: work other job
600p-whenever: attend a funeral

and then of course, I start brooding on all this. I start kicking myself for agreeing to such things. And then I think that I'm selfish and whining because there are people who do more and accomplish more, on top of me shamefully not being completely financially independent. But then I begin to think that I do work hard and I do things for other people and it just goes unnoticed and unappreciated, so I'm telling myself, "fuck this noise!"

this internal argument goes on and on: should I stick to my obligations and resent people even though it's not their fault? Or should I take a rain check and hope that they'll understand and let me reschedule? But then when else would be a good time because I have all this other shit going on and then it's square one all over again. BAH!

all I want to do is get caught up with myself before I get caught up with everything and everyone else, but the absolute last thing I ever want to do is make my friends feel like I'm taking them for granted. Lately, I've just been asking myself when I can actually go home, take a 5 minute breather, and get some of my own shit done without obligations in my way? When can I finally sit myself down and start working on fucking grad school applications?!?! That's what worries me the most...

and then I start negotiating: ok, well, work is last priority so maybe I can ask someone to cover for me this weekend. Oh but wait, I was a fucking idiot earlier this week and got my car towed so I have this fatty ticket and fee that I gotta pay... Well damn.

2x tall xtra hot mocha... in more ways than one

I'm beginning to think that working at Starbucks was one of the smartest things I've done... A lot of faculty and grad students in the department recognize me from there and a bunch of them have officially met me as a student. Now, they've put a face to a name, know me, and remember me. Score!

i have an addiction. a bit of an affliction. i think i may need an intervention

I'm addicted to reading graphic design blogs beyond what is considered healthy. Don't believe me? I just spent the last hour and a half perusing Simple+Pretty... (*disclaimer: like me, she isn't a graphic designer, but one who appreciates it)

call it cliche, but I love the vintage minimalist style. I can't help it. Everything is just so gosh darn *cute*, from invitations, to calendars and business cards. Hell, the only thing I look forward to having kids of my own is how cute and creative I could get on my baby announcements and early birthday invitations!

I wish I had learned how to do some of these techniques like letterpress or book binding when I was younger. When I was a kid, I use to be super creative. I remember the only thing I liked about school was when a teacher announced a project. Instantly, an image would pop up in my head of what I wanted to make or draw. Art was my favorite class and one of the first occupations I could remember wanting to be as a kid was an artist (I distinctly remember telling that to my dad in the first grade as he was dropping us off at school). Even when my older brother was assigned projects, I'd do it myself rather than my social studies homework. Like, for instance, he had to make a cardboard castle (I think he was in the 5th grade at this point), and I remember searching for a box myself, getting my supplies, sitting on the floor next to him in his room, and making my own castle. I secretly suspect that at times he'd try to arrogate my projects, hehe

I'm unfortunately not as creative as I use to be, but I definitely still suffer from needing a creative outlet. I think that's why I like to get involved in random projects like knitting, trying to learn how to crochet, baking and cupcake decorating, creating postcards, relearning piano, etc. I'm certainly not very good at it, and I think at times, that discourages me because I set such high expectations of myself, especially when I start thinking, I had it in me at one point. It's gotta still be there! I think I need to keep reminding myself that such thinking and expectations can be more harmful than helpful, not because I should start setting low expectations of myself or that I have that insecurity, but because I need to focus on how good it feels to even just use my hands to make something, anything. I need to remind myself that this is my creative outlet, meaning it's a hobby, it's for fun. And most importantly, it's therapeutic :)

but I digress, perusing graphic design blogs and websites motivates me. Like an addiction, it releases this feeling of euphoria and makes me think that I can do anything. And oddly enough, that pushes me to get my shit done because I know that when all my work is done, I can start whatever creative project I have in mind; it's my reward. With that said, I should probably start getting some homework done so that I can work on this kangaroo I've been knitting

bitch please!

Chris and I were shopping at Costco, and like any Costco customer, I scope up a sample table, walk up to it, and grab one. Some old, crochety biatch was manning it and as I'm grabbing this sample, she bitches me out! She's all like, "Are you with an adult?" and I'm like, "huh???" Then, she keeps asking me all this shit about how if I'm with an adult or where's the adult or if I'm by myself, blah blah blah. It finally hits me what's up and I'm like, "I'm 24" hahahahah! Wtf yo. Kind of reminded me of that moment when my friend's mom didn't recognize me and I was like, "Ca-Ca-Carmel" hahaha. You know who you be ^_~

so my dad just confirmed that now my other grandma is in the hospital, and again, for a hip-related injury. Man, this fucking sucks! I don't want to deal with this again.

I think it's so cute how every Tuesday & Thursday mornings, after my Pilates class, when I pass by the downstairs weight room of my gym (where the "macho" men tend to flock), I hear 80s love ballads bumpin', haha!

you boys are just big softies at heart aren'tcha? :3